Since I was a little kid, I have known the verse "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11). And yet, I still have struggled with giving up complete control of my plans and future to Christ and His will for me. In my mind, I would say "Christ, I trust you entirely in this circumstance," but in my heart, I was still holding on to the fact that if I just did this ... or that ... then what I want has a better chance of happening. Take for example me applying to grad school. I spent a few weeks this summer studying for this test (the mcat) that I was convinced controlled my destiny. I had to get a 20 on it to even be considered for Case Western's Anesthesiologist Assistant program. I worried myself to tears over that test. Throughout my studying, I began to build confidence -- I was getting pretty descent scores on practice tests. Turns out ... I got a 22. A 22!!-- Woohoo -- that's good enough to apply to Case!! You would think that would have been my response, but instead I was confused and unsatisfied. I thought to myself ..."Why only a 22? I did way better than that on practice tests!?!" This was absolutely a self-centered prideful moment.
Well, I was recently working my way through Proverbs, and I came across these verses:
Proverbs 19:21
"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail."
Proverbs 20:14
"The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?"
Proverbs 21:30
"No human wisdom, or understanding, or plan can stand against the Lord."
God's timing is funny. and perfect. Those verses nailed down the reality that yes, 'He does know the plans he has for me,' but more importantly ... if I choose to seek and follow God's will, whatever alternative plans I create for myself won't stand a chance if they aren't a part of His master plan. If I strive to stay at the center of His will, he will continue to direct my every step as His wonderful plan is fulfilled. So plain and simple. Stop trying to have control, Laura. I'll only end up like a hamster that spends all day exhausting itself in one of those lil wheels, while it never ends up going anywhere. Instead, I need to simply stay focused on HIM and trust in what He has in store for me.
So I could have gotten a 34 on my mcat (woot woot, go Mare!), but if God doesn't want me to be at Case Western, than that 34 won't do squat for me. Perhaps God plans to place me at a school out of state where I have an opportunity to have a major impact in a specific nonbeliever's life. Or perhaps he does plan for me to go to Case, and he was simply using my mcat score as a reminder that I need to trust in him every step of the way -- no need to question or try to understand it all -- His plan will prevail. Or perhaps God doesn't even want me to be an Anesthesiologist Assistant, even if that is what I want, because he has bigger things in store for me (and Kodi). It's SO FREEING to accept that not only does He know the plans, but they are His plans for me ... not my own ... so I can give up worry and control. As I said, I just have an open mind and heart that is seeking His will -- and he will continue to reveal what He has in cards for me.
Pray for me that I continue to find peace in this.
K thanks for reading. Grace and peace♥
I've been thinking the same kind of thoughts all summer. There is no reason to put ourselves through this kind of stress if it isn't part of what God wants for our lives. I hope He leads us all to where He wants us and we listen to what He wants for us. No matter where we end up, as long as we are living for Jesus that's what counts. Not an MCAT score or a grad school acceptance letter ;)
ReplyDeleteKeep blogging Laura! Your thoughts are so encouraging.
Don't forget that 2 verses later (Jeremiah 29:13) it says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Yes, we do need to trust God with his timing, his will, and his plans and yes we shouldn't stress about it. But we can't forget that God will use us NO MATTER what. His plans will prevail no matter what we choose to do as long as we are constantly seeking him. Make decisions based on what you love and want to do and feel at peace about. God will give us the desires of our heart as long as we are seeking. That's whats so great about God's will. Thanks for the encouragement to start blogging again. I'm a slacker.
ReplyDeleteLove ya!
Isn't it a relief when we realize the Lord has had something for us through scripture? So many times it's like.."why didn't I see that (or get it) before!" You are so right. Such a peace in acceptance! He's got it all under control! Now comes the challenge... recognizing it when we get to another situation where we need put it into practice...again. Paul says in Phil. 2:12, "-continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." I would like to say I always have this one down! There is comfort and encouragement knowing we are all on this journey together! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI'm SOOO proud of you! This blog brought a huge smile on my face :) It is freeing to know God will take control and lead you to the right place... either Ohio, Georgia, Florida, WHEREVER!!! Sometimes I need to take this advice and apply it to my life too haha. love you sis!!
ReplyDeleteLinds, you are absolutely right. I have spent the last couple days thinking and praying about this topic even more, and I realize that it isn't just about sitting back and letting happen whatever He has planned. It's about actively seeking His will, so that I find peace in the decisions that He LEADS me to make (because they are aligned with His will). I don't believe we are His puppets, which is so cool because He obvsiously has the power to control us like that. But He allows us to find Him, and through our searching, be directed along the divine path fulfilling His incredible plans for our lives. Pretty amazing in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteSorry it took me forever to respond. Busy weekend. Anyways, how awesome is it that God allows us to make our own choices. We should only love him more for letting us handle those choices. I forget and take for granted that I have the power of Jesus Christ within my heart and I undermine that power all the time. God wants so much from us and the only thing stopping it is ourselves. Gotta love, love, love God's unconditional love :)
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